You had a perfect plan from childhood. At 23, you must have graduated and begun working as a nurse. Getting married to a responsible young man was a sure deal. My mouth stood agape as you outlined a perfect future. As the years unfold, I watched as you put necessary measures in place to secure this life. Though you made a few mistakes attributed to teenage life but learned your lessons and moved on.
Just like the speed of lightning, you hit 25; and still single. You happily honored wedding invitations and request to be a bridesmaid. Gradually the anxiety began setting in. Mum once in a while talks about marriage; just as a reminder.
“I am not in a hurry mum…” you replied.
You’re not in a hurry; swiftly your life cycle hits 30. And your friends in drove began disappearing into marital life; leaving you in singlehood. They called for a few months until their mothers’; relatives; even husbands’ advise them to withdraw or watch you steal their joy. You’re left wondering what happened. In this state of confusion; you related to someone how your best friend no longer communicates freely with you. And that retarded reminded you how it’s a taboo for a married woman to be friends with a single.
You have a good paying job but live alone. Just like smoke, the vibrant life you once had disappeared. You now walk alone or in the company of husband seekers. I pray this dream come through; but it still burgles my sanity why a gifted human like you, will put her life on hold waiting for another human to start living.
We’ve countless times had this conversation. “Prince, You won’t understand how it feels…” you said repeatedly. Yes, is granted that the tension for women to marry is higher than men. I know how it feels to watch others have what you pray every day for… But I also wonder how you’ve allowed this crazy society to set expectations for you. “Whose fault is it you are single…?” Every misunderstanding you have with others is an opportunity for them to tell you how your singlehood is your fault. The seers and other spiritualist trace it down to your ancestral lineage.
Everyone has someone to fault like marriage is a commodity given to the highest bidder. Everyone urges you to grab a man, so as to eat that special delicacy spiced with immortality. You can’t walk with a man without neighbors, friends, and family watching and asking if he is the chosen one. You hardly call mum or avoid her because her reminders have turned to nag. Every of your energy is now channeled towards finding a husband and the world is drifting away and missing the spices you were born with.
Marriage is a beautiful thing but I hope you are aware some married people are still doomed for life. There is a pleasure; inner pleasure that comes with discovering who you’re…
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you discover why…” Mark Twain.
Marriage is an extra, but helplessly our society has made it the first.
A few days ago you clocked 33. Now you just want any man. You are willing to make him responsible no matter how irresponsible he is. I am not writing to ask you to forget this dream but to live. Please live. Please, I beg you to start living. Buy a dog or cat; this venture is way better than some marriages today. Perhaps, those ones that make you hug on to your pillow wishing you were the lady. Self-discovery makes someone orgasm too. There is more to you than this husband searching pity party. If you need a child badly, you can adopt one (we must not all parent our biological children) or have IVF if you can afford it. Start a pet project; no woman was born to live, waiting for a husband. The earth is waiting for your earnest manifestation while you are waiting for a husband.
Don’t allow society to mount pressure on you. Don’t allow your family pressure to live out of you. Being single has never stopped anyone from being happy. Singlehood has never stopped anyone from living purpose.
Embrace reality and allow every day of it worth living. Though it might be hard, I believe it can be done. And this mysterious life has a way of giving us what we aren’t craving for and denying us what we want most.
Just maybe, when you’re no longer depressed and desperate. The right man will come despite your age.
“Age has never stopped any beautiful thing from happening.